Sunday, August 03, 2014

Making all things new.

We are back in Nairobi, and I have to say it feels strange. I was just really hopeful that when we returned from Cape Town (after 3 IVF tries), we would have exciting and happy news to share. I had imagined it in my mind. I had prayed and wished for it. But we are back, and there is only the same sad news.

Slowly, I'm learning to give God control of this struggle. He has been so patient with me. Infertility has brought out some ugly sides of myself that I never knew existed. I've struggled with jealousy and can be so selfish when I am wrapped up in my own pain. But I know that He is working on making me more like Him.
This suffering is producing perseverance...and this perseverance: character. In the end, I'm clinging to the hope that He WILL make all things new!

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19

Despite the heartache, the beauty of Cape Town was healing in a way. Ruco still traveled for his job, but not as much as he usually must. It was the perfect place for us to be together to grieve...but also to trust, learn and grow. However painful it has been, I am thankful for the way He is changing us. He is doing a new thing in and through us!!


The Reeds said...

I'm so so sorry... I'm praying for you and for encouragement and peace in whatever way it comes.

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Sarah Cook said...

I know that we aren't close but I just want you to know I've been following your journey. My heart aches for you. If I could take away your pain, I would do it. I cannot imagine what you're going through. But please know that you're such an inspiration to all of us who have been following you. You show so much grace in the face of adversity and it's beautiful to see so much dignity in the trials that you're enduring. I think of you often and send my love your way. Know that there's no shame in the healing power of tears. Keep your chin up and know that you have people the world over sending love to you and Ruco. Take care and you're in my thoughts.