guilt?!?

As most of you know, Ruco and I have moved around quite a bit in the last year. It has been wonderful to see so many different places, but each decision to move made my heart heavy. Today, we received an email from our host father from the Gambia. This family meant the world to me. We had a five year old host brother named, "Mohammed" that was my only reason for smiling a lot of days. He would come over first thing in the morning, and be with us until he had to go to bed. He even took his afternoon nap in our bed after watching a movie on our laptop. I loved him like he was my own family. I really, really loved him. When we were on our way to Uganda, Ruco and I both had a peace about our decision to change organizations and work for "Samaritans Purse" as opposed to the "Peace Corps." Oh, but I cried and cried when I thought that I had left Mohammed and he probably didn't understand why. I honestly don't know how other Peace Corps Volunteers live with a family day in and day out for TWO years and then come home. You just feel so....GUILTY! Today, I have been plagued with guilt. I feel guilty for leaving Mohammed and his brothers and sisters. I feel guilty for leaving "The Gambia" in general. BUT I know that Uganda is where God wants us. I know that "Samaritan's Purse" is the organization with whom we are supposed to be serving at the moment. BUT-I also have to endure a guilty conscience. It doesn't just stop at our decision to leave the Gambia, I experience it every time I leave my family and go to Africa..or even when I leave my in-law family. I feel awful. I know that a guilty conscience is something everyone faces at some point. So what do you do with it?

Today, God brought some verses to my attention and I thought I would share it..."And now, dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned from me and heard from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8-9. I know that instead of focusing on the guilt of me leaving Mohammed and others, I should follow these instructions! I should dwell on the sweet memories we shared with our host family and also the sweet memories we are making in Uganda. I also know that Satan loves for me to feel binded by my own guilt. I Peter 5:8-9 says, "Be careful! Watch out for attacks from the Devil, your great enemy. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for some victim to devour.” I know that he loves for my heart to be heavy. Satan loves my soul to be in agony! Instead, I am going to dwell in the knowledge that Christ died for me so that I can be free. Instead of focusing on hurtful things I have done in the past to others or to myself, I am going to focus on what HE has done for me! He died so that I can be forgiven of my sins, and FREE from GUILT, anxiety, fear, and death! Thank you Lord!