My twin

So, my Grandmama sent me this devotion today, and I thought to myself, "Did I actually write this devotion?" It is written by a girl named Emily Freeman, but she sounds so much like me!! Everything she wrote about herself, I find in myself.

I like this part:

I convince myself that I want to be the strong girl, the easy friend, the happy supporter. That is why I am uncomfortable when I am persnickety or hurt or tired from the weary world, the pressure, and the dishes. It is those times when we most want to hide, to be invisible, to figure out the source of the discontent on our own. But in the hiding, we miss out on the relief of being found. We miss out on the opportunity to experience love and support. We exchange connection for control. And community is lost, or never even found to begin with.
 
I am an emotional girl, and so are you. Are you waiting to be found? Are you running from community because of fear or worry or all your what-will-they-think-of-me’s? Let me encourage you to risk love and embrace connection. Seek out your community, look them in the eye, and let them see you.

I have felt this way lately. Since moving back to the US and trying to fit in again here (which I fear sometimes is impossible!?), I have felt hurt and tired. I have definitely felt "persnickety." And then I get mad at myself for feeling this way (because I want to be the easy and happy friend), so I withdraw! Today I am praying that I learn to embrace my emotions...and embrace community. I am praying that I lay down the "what-will they-think-of me's" and just be. I pray that I allow people to really see me: the big tears that go along WITH my loud laugh. I pray that I can embrace who God made me to be, and allow others to really see me...even when I am TOO emotional! Because it is a wonderful thing to be known, and loved anyway in community.